fed-up women's manifesto

Different countries, different ethnicities, different cultures, but surprisingly similar struggles. Social justice, revolution, solidarity, BUT...
Here's to all the amazing women from so many different origins who have shared their stories, their frustrations, their dreams and their strenght with me and thus, shaped this manifesto. And to all men who want to listen...

Love is not only about love. It is also about friendship, respect, and passion. And if there is one of these things I am not willing to trade any more at this point of my life, that is RESPECT. Because every time I let you disrespect me by unconditionally understanding, forgiving, forgetting, yielding, I take the risk to end up loosing my self-respect too, and after all, is with myself that I will have to live all of my life.

I am an emotionally strong woman. I’ve proven it to myself several times even I didn’t always believe it. But that doesn’t mean I need or want to impose my points of view on you, fight with you, control you, guide you, parent you. My strength doesn’t need to constantly reassure itself through superficial assertiveness but believe me, I am an emotionally strong woman who works hard every day to find out what she wants, and definitely knows what she does NOT want.

I do NOT want to be your ideal muse, your sacred object, your pure virginal lover, your sex toy, your worshiper, your mother, your therapist, your watchdog, your savior.

I do NOT want to hear how you admire me and don’t deserve me, how I am too good for you, how your jealousy is nothing else than a proof of love, how your failures to remain faithful just help you see how special I am…

BULLSHIT

I don’t want to be adored, nor mistreated; nor worshiped as a delicate piece of art, neither used as a pillow for your miseries. I don’t want your compliments but your deeds, not your protection but your support, not your better mask but your real face, not your void self-contempt but your meaningful desire to know yourself an evolve. I don’t want you to give up your social life for me, to change your clothes, your job, your hair or your dreams for me. I don’t want you surrendered, desperate, on parole…

In short, I don’t want you to love me because you need me, but to need me because you love me.

I am sorry if intelligent, independent women stir your male insecurities, if feelings make you run scared and act like a freaking teenager. And is not that I don’t understand your point. I do, sometimes more than is advisable for my mental health. We are ALL insecure, we are ALL afraid, but some of us don’t allow these fears and insecurities to turn into an excuse for never assuming mature responsibility of our life, of our acts, of the pain we inflict in others and in ourselves.

I know, the whole thing is about that commitment-phobia you –and half of the world’s population- claim to suffer due to the most diverse reasons, including childhood traumas, evil ex-lovers, the pursue of career goals and my favorite, deeply progressive political believes (!!!).

Well, let’s make something clear once and for all: there is not such thing as a contagious commitment-phobia illness that justifies your behavior; only high doses of insecurity, need of attention and emotional immaturity put together in a lethal cocktail. And here's some more news: erasing the word commitment from our vocabulary doesn’t make feelings disappear or free us from the responsibility we have to act like mature adults and to be critical with ourselves, respectful to others and honest to both.

I WILL LOVE YOU, BUT I WON’T SUBMIT TO EXTORTION

I will surrender my body and my soul freely and unconditionally, but I won’t tolerate or take responsibility for your selfish, attention-addict’s behavior; neither will I cut my wings, change my clothes, my job, my friends, my manners to calm down your insecurities and protect your male ego.

I have my ego, too. And it carries the footprints of all women who have been for centuries submitted, silenced, abused, victimized, mocked, raped, insulted, prosecuted, blackmailed, beaten, killed, ignored, labeled as stupid, neurotic, manipulative, weak, insane, nymphomaniac, frigid, witches, bitches.

You say it’s a personal matter between you, your “issues”, and me. I say it is also a pattern that shows a face of the many that sexism takes. You might not be aware of it as such, I know it’s not easy to get rid of centuries of cultural determinism, but excuse me if I can’t get to feel much sympathy for you right now… I need all my energies to get myself out of the virgin-whore-understanding mother stereotype all t hese centuries have lent me as a heritage.